Moderate path in searching Spouse, Concept of kafa’a and finding a pious spouse in today’s culture

Question

I am 30years old Pakistani, for last seven years I?ve been living in USA working in Information Technology, culturally still attach to Pakistan, only living here to earn living.I belongs to educated Pakistani middle class living in Karachi I have asked my mother back home to find a girl who completely follows sharia She is having a very hard time in finding a girl whose family is Islamic Q-Now should I marry a girl from my own culture, whose family is known to my parents, and hope that she will change like me? Q-Should I force her to wear hijab?Q-Should I tell her parents that there should be no music and mix gathering in wedding? these conditions most likely result in rejection of my marriage proposal since in this culture they consider religious person as an extremist and that you will treat your wife like a slave Q- Or should I marry a girl who from outside looks pious,(wears niqab or hijab ) and have totally different culture and values and there might be nothing in common b/w two families (can be Pakistani or American girl) Q- Or should I wait for perfect pious girl?Q-Also based on kafa?a can I marry Aallima since my knowledge of deen is almost zero?Q- How one should look for pious spouse in today?s culture (since actual piety is very hard to find these days) What piety means for today?s common Muslim since 90% muslims are just performing rituals please answers it in detail what should be the REALISTIC solution (not an ideal one) for todays muslim society

Mufti Ebrahim Desai · Accepted Answer

Marriage is a very serious matter and a life-long partnership. The foremost qualification of the bride is as the holy Qur'aan which is for all times says, 'marry such women as seen good to you.'

It appears therefrom that the boy should exercise greatest caution and consideration. It is a mere misconception or wrong notion to feel that one cannot find the correct person in today's times. The following points should be considered in making the correct choice:
Hadhrat Abu Hurayra (Radhiallaahu Anhu) reports that Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) as saying, "A woman is married for four things, i.e. her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser." (Mishkaat)

So, try to get one who is religious and prosper. Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) exhorts his followers to make religion piety the first criteria of choice of woman. And there is no denying the fact that if a Muslim acquires piety and abstinence, it is mostly due to a virtuous wife who in the words of Nabi (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) again is the best of benefit of the world. Conclusively, it is clear that if there exist no piety then generally wealth, beauty and lineage had no worth. In addition, in a situation where there exists no piety the chastity and modesty of a woman is in danger. Chastity and modesty is after all the hallmark of a woman, therefore, the most important thing to seek in a girl is piety.

The girl should be somewhat learned, she should have a sound knowledge of Deen. She should not be ignorant. Our advise is that a lot of Du'aa should be made by virtue of which Allah will grant you the perfect partner.

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Mufti Ebrahim Desai
FATWA DEPT.

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