my husband and I have been having fights and problems, becuase he always helps others and gets himself in trouble. He hardly has time for me or our 3 children

Jazakallah for the question which you have forwarded to the institute. You write about the communication problems you and your husband are having.

There are several things you are saying about your relationship with your husband. Firstly, you both are quarreling a lot. Secondly, he suggests that you need to see a psychiatrist. Third, you feel that he is not giving you and the children enough attention. Finally, he also maintains ties with your estranged sister-in-law which upsets your parents.

I empathize with you as this must be very difficult for you as a daughter, wife, sister and mother. I make dua for you that Allah Ta'ala will assist you in this time of difficulty so please do increase your zikr, recitation of the Quran, your duas and nafl salaah. Encourage your parents and children to do the same

These problems have probably been existing for sometime and it has most likely taken it's toll on you and your children. I am going to make a suggestion and I would like you to consider it seriously. It appears to me that your husband is not likely to listen to any of you in the family. He does not see how his actions are hurting and impacting on the family. He has told you to see a psychiatrist.

Please agree to go. You will most probably need medication if you are depressed or anxious due to the pressure you are undergoing. A psychiatrist is not a doctor for "mad" people. No, we all undergo tension and stress. Sometimes when the stress becomes over-bearing, we need help. I agree with you, you are not psychotic. You need to get your husband to have a look at his own actions and if it means he will be made to see them by taking you to a psychiatrist, then go for it!

It doesn't matter if he tells you that you are crazy and under the treatment of a psycho. You know it is not true. Your intention in your own mind must be that insha'allah, by getting help in this way, your family will be helped. At some stage the psychiatrist will ask your husband to come in to see him as he will need to do therapy with both of you. That is the time your husband will have to look at himself and his actions. A lot of people may disregard what Aalims and family point out to them, but when a doctor points out how their actions are hurting the family, then they do take note. ( Insha'allah, your children can also benefit if you have the whole family in for therapy. That is if your children are also undergoing the stress of experiencing all the tension in the family).

As for him maintaining ties with your sister-in-law, it is sad that this is happening. Insha'allah, if everyone in the family starts observing the rules of purdah soon, this problem can be overcome. Please remember that Allah Ta'ala knows of the test you are undergoing. So turn to Allah Ta'ala increasingly and put your faith in him. May Allah Ta'ala ease your family's and your difficulties and guide you all, ameen.

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

1SOCIAL DEPT.

CHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai