I get depressed for every minute things and start taking things on my heart

Jazakallah for writing to the institute with a desire to strengthen your Imaan and for wanting to develop a better character.This is indeed a great step you have taken by reflecting about your thoughts and deeds which not only affect you but also those around you. It is better to realise that when one makes mistakes, (which is normal for human beings to do), one should also work towards not repeating those mistakes.

This can be achieved by changing one's attitude and actions rather than to go through life believing one is always right and perfect. It would appear that your Umrah trip has had a positive affect on you, so insha'allah, all that you asked and promised Allah Ta'ala you will now work towards achieving. Alhamdoelillah, when you turn towards Allah Ta'ala in the way you have decided to do in seeking guidance and knowledge, rest assured that He is very pleased with you.

You need to firstly accept that not every task you attempt or everything you /others do is going to work out the way you desire or want it to. This is an unrealistic expectation on yourself and on the world. Nobody in this world is perfect and as long you have this expectation of others and even of yourself, you will be an unfulfilled person or as you say, "a confused, depressed and stubborn person". You are the one who knows best how others respond to you when you sulk, remain stubborn and refuse to accept your faults. You need to examine how you can change your responses to adverse situations so that you can 'grow' positively as an individual. By taking responsibility for your thoughts and actions, you will be able to work out how you will allow your environment to affect you and also figure out what you will have to overlook to get on with your life. This also means telling yourself, "I cannot do everything, nor can anybody else"; "I am not perfect, nor is anybody else", "I am not the most attractive, nor is anybody else", etc.

When you demand and expect what is realistic from others, you will be able to accept that you yourself have limitations. When you see the faults in yourself, you will start seeing good in others to the extent that you will realize that no one is perfect. You write about your tendency to have 'pride' in terms of being unable to admit your mistakes, wanting and wondering if people think good of you and your desire to be accepted by others all the time. In light of what I have described above, my hope is you will be able to work on your needs and your wants. Our wants nearly always far surpass our needs. So here again, make a list of your needs and your wants. Go through your list and ponder over what you think is realistic and unrealistic in your list. Then work out how you will eliminate that which will not serve as a 'positive' in your life. Do this slowly so that you do not become frustrated. Over a period of time you will find yourself holding onto opinions, responses, beliefs and attitudes which will help you towards maturity and personal growth.

Remember too that our Nabi (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam) is reported to have said that "The person with an atoms weight of Pride will not see Jannah". Pride comes from the influence of shaitaan. You could remind yourself daily that everything you own or have, beauty, intelligence, wealth, health etc is purely from the treasures of Allah Ta'ala and that you should be thanking Him for it all as it is not at all through your own effort that you have these ne'maah. Ask your Creator to go on showering these blessings on you and never to deprive you of any of them. A good way to overcome your pride is to consciously tell yourself that everything you say and do is purely for the pleasure of Allah Ta'ala. Whether you help someone, give a date or water in charity, work industriously to pass an exam with flying colours, overlook an insult or if someone hurts you and you forgive them. Let your deeds and words reflect a desire to earn Allah Ta'ala's pleasure and not the compliments, praises and approval of your fellow human beings. This will help you to develop Ikhlaas (sincerity) which is very loved by Allah Ta'ala. So instead of seeking to please yourself or others, seek to please your Creator only. if you helped someone and they don't thank you, do not be offended, ask Allah Ta'ala for the rewards in the aagirah and don't have ill-feelings against anybody. You will give up your bad habits not because you will be disliked by your fellow human beings, but because you will earn the pleasure if Allah Ta'ala.

In giving up gossiping, think of the rewards you will earn from your Creator. When you hide the faults of others in this world, Allah Ta'ala will hide your faults on the day of Qiyamat when you will be in desperate need of good deeds. It is said that when we gossip about somebody, all our good deeds are handed over to the person whom we think is so bad, and that person's evil deeds are deposited in our records for future punishment. Imagine giving over all your salaah, fasts, zakaah, hadj, good deeds etc. and being 'penniless' on the day when you will need all these virtues to save you from the punishment of Jahannaum. Once you have said something bad about a person to another, the deed is done and very difficult to undo.

As far as your dressing and contact with men is concerned, think of Allah Ta'ala's commands about modesty (haya), and not intermingling with non mahram, anywhere, even in your home and zinna. You are precious to Allah Ta'ala. That is why through the examples of the sunnahs and following the examples of the most devoted women of Islam (the wives of Nabi (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam), you have been shown the ways to guard your beauty and modesty. Only those men who appreciate you as the loving Creation of Allah Ta'ala should see your beauty displayed. You are not an object, so make sure you are not treated as one by non mahram men. It is up to you to make sure that you cover up your body in a way that your body shape is not revealed. The fabric of your clothing should be of a thickness such that your skin or hair shade are not revealed. Wear a cloak or abaya over your attractive and beautiful clothes so that you do not attract attention in public. Avoid unnecessary contact with non-mahram men and if you have to speak to them, use firm business like speech and speak only what is necessary. Do not lower your voice nor make it appealing. There is so much more to learn, as you know we have been commanded to seek knowledge from the cradle to the grave. Set aside some hours a week to gain knowledge of deen so that once you understand and realise what a wonderful deen you have been born into. As you move closer to Allah Ta'ala you will desire and seek to please your Creator more and more. By observing the sunnahs you will be bringing alive all that is most blessed and precious in your life as a Muslim. Encourage your family members to join you in learning and teaching so that all of you can benefit, insha'allah.

Most important, perform your five salaah daily on time, with perfect wudhu, attention, sincerity, postures and concentration. Ask Allah Ta'ala to grant you the ability to do whatever pleases Him, so even when you make zikr, dua and recite the Quran, learn the best approach possible to gain maximum benefits and gain the Ishq of Allah Ta'ala which you so desire. May Allah Ta'ala grant you the closeness and His love which you seek. Ameen.

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

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CHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai